The Battle For The Family

The following is an excerpt from Dr. John’s book, THE MASTER BUILDER: Wisdom For Today’s Apostles. Follow this link to obtain your copy of THE MASTER BUILDER today.

At the time of this writing, twelve states allow same sex marriages as a result of court orders, legislative action or referendums. It seems our society is adrift morally because we have cut the chain connected to the anchor of righteousness, the Holy Bible. If we continue in this moral drift, we will surely shipwreck as civilizations in history have done who follow this same course. Paul taught much about family life, comprised of the union between “one man and one woman” who bring children into this world according to God’s order in creation.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31 NKJV

It seems that the enemy has been very successful at gaining this foothold among mankind, using one very clear tactic, “eliminate fathers.” Many of the mental, physical and social problems that plague us today are directly related to “fatherlessness” according to studies from both Medical doctors and Psychologists. The absence of godly male role models in the home has led to all sorts of violent crime, drug abuse, teen age pregnancy and psychological disorders. Prisons are full of men and women who are bitter towards the father they never knew, or the father who molested and abused them. The battle for the family cannot be won without “fathers” being restored to their place in the family. God spoke about this need to bring a restoration to both the natural and spiritual families of earth thru the Prophet Malachi.

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful Day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of children to the fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:5-6 NKJV

If we are going to win the battle for the family and see healthy, productive children raised up to lead society in the future, men must once again take the God given responsibility to lead their families according to the teaching of Paul the apostle. There are several concise instructions given to men as husbands and fathers, that when applied will bring a great renewal to the biblical idea of “family.”

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). It is interesting that wives don’t have to be told to “love their husbands. I believe it is because God gives a man special favor in the eyes of his wife and she loves him from a “gift of love.”

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 NKJV

I have observed that women will continue to love their man when men consistently don’t reciprocate that love. This is the favor of the Lord placed in her heart for that man. But men don’t seem to have that gift to love their wives, they must be told to do, and even how to do it.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

It seems that God uses wives as a tool to teach husbands how to love as Christ loves. Men have to “learn to love,” while women seem to do it more instinctively. If men learned to love their wives in this way, more women would believe in the biblical model of marriage and want to find that godly man to love them. They would undoubtedly leave the unnatural same sex relationships they look to for some sort of affection and intimacy.

Dwell with your wives according to knowledge (1 Peter 3:7). Apostle Peter gave us further insight into successful family life and the relationship between husbands and wives. Peter’s revelation corresponds to Paul’s when it comes to “how to love your wife.”

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them according to understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

It is the responsibility of husbands to “understand” their wives so that they may honor them. Many have taken this scripture to mean that “women are inferior to men” since Peter says they are “weaker.” I believe, however, that Peter is talking about “limits,” that husbands should understand their wives “limits” and not drive them past the limits of their mental and emotional health. This happens when wives continue to give love to husbands who are not loving them as “Christ loved the church,” they are not being “nourished and cherished,” they are being made to feel as though they are just a commodity in the man’s life to be used whenever he desires. They begin that they are just there to fulfill certain biological and household needs, without honor.

I have observed during my tenure as a pastor, that many women have become depleted mentally and emotionally after years of “giving and not receiving.” I like to use the illustration of the “bank.” If you keep making withdrawals without making deposits, you will soon be bankrupt. Many women have left their husbands, or given in to some sin or addiction because they have given much more than they received in the relationship, and they simply can’t go on for their own sanity. Husbands that love their wives as Christ loved the church, will seek to understand their wife’s needs and meet them. They will become proactive by making deposits of tenderness, affirmation and security so that their wives never begin to feel “used.” The Church is to be glorious due to how Christ has loved and cared for her, and the wives of Christian men should be as well.

Bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is a job specifically assigned to the husbands according to this verse in Ephesians.

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

First of all, how do we provoke our children to wrath? It may result from “giving them rules without relationship.” Someone has said, “rules without relationship breeds rebellion.”Unfortunately, my father didn’t learn good parenting skills from his father, so he passed down to his sons some of the negative traits that caused harm to the family. In our home, love was earned thru obedience and was never unconditional. Withholding love and approval was often a tool to control and coerce for the desired behavior. Although the kids may have “cranked out” the right behavior, in their hearts was growing a deep anger and resentment toward their father. When fathers demand obedience instead of winning obedience from their children, the kids grow up without being valued as “human beings” and develop many insecurities and fears. They provoke their children to wrath.

Paul also told the fathers to be involved in “child training” of spiritual things, “nurture and admonition of the Lord” refers to teaching them how to live according to God’s principles and have an intimate relationship with the Heavenly Father. Many fathers have delegated this responsibility to the mothers, consequently, many young men view Christianity as a “woman” religion, and they find it hard to believe they can live for God as a man in this world. There is no substitute for what the fathers bring to the well being of their families. If we are going to win the battle for the family, men will have to assume their roles as husbands and fathers, there is no other way.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV

The wise Christian father knows that he must prepare his children with a “warriors heart” as well, for one day, they will have to face the enemies of Christ in this world.

What you just read is an excerpt from Dr. John’s book, THE MASTER BUILDER: Wisdom For Today’s Apostles. To find out about the other 4 battles we face Follow this link to obtain your copy of THE MASTER BUILDER today.

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